Our Infertility Story - Part 4

Read Our Infertility Story - Part 1 here

Read Our Infertility Story - Part 2 here

Read Our Infertility Story - Part 3 here

Finally, the week of Thanksgiving it was go time!  I made a quick trip down to Austin for an ultrasound to make sure I didn’t have any large cysts that would hinder the start of the process.  I was all clear, and was told to do my first injection on Thanksgiving night.   I did the injections at the same time each evening (8:30), and they never were as bad as I expected them to be.  Now looking down and watching yourself stick a needle into your own stomach is definitely strange, but really the pain level was almost nonexistent, and I never had to call my mom for backup. 

I started off on a very low dose of Follistim because Dr. M did not want too many follicles to grow (overstimulation is a huge risk in PCOS patients).  I took that dosage for 4 days, then went back down to Austin for blood work and an ultrasound to see where we stood.  I was so anxious to finally see a follicle growing!  But, like many other times in this journey, I left disappointed.  Nothing had grown yet.  She slightly upped my dosage for 3 more days, and I went back for another appointment.  Same results.  More disappointment. 

An average injectible cycle lasts about 10-12 days from first injection to ovulation, so I thought surely the next appointment we’d have a ton of growth and be ready to go – or at least close.  After another med increase for 3 more days, we had the same results AGAIN.  While Dr. M wasn’t ready to throw in the towel on this cycle just yet, she did say to me that if I didn’t respond to the injections, IVF was going to be our only option.  At this point M and I were getting concerned as we were already about to reach the total cost we had originally been quoted and had nothing to show for it and no end in sight.  {Remember, we’ve been paying for everything out of pocket since insurance covers nothing, and we did not want to run up a huge debt for something that wasn’t guaranteed.}  We increased the dosage again, and waited 3 more days for another appointment.  While we waited, we started having difficult conversations and asking hard questions.  Should we cancel the cycle because of the unexpected cost?  Is this going to work?  What if it doesn’t?  We won’t be able to try again for a long time because we don’t have the money.  What if IVF is our only option?  Do we even want to attempt that?  How would we pay for it?  What if it didn’t work?  What if we never are able to have biological children?  Do we want to start looking at adoption?

On Sunday, December 12^th I had my next monitoring appointment.  M could not go with me, so my mom came along for the early morning drive to be in Austin by 7:45.  After having already been thoroughly disappointed already, I was going in to this appointment prepared for the worst.  I was not hopeful. 

So imagine my shock when up on the screen appears 3 round little follicles of a decent size.  Granted, they still needed to grow, but this was HUGE progress!  It was definitely the confirmation M and I needed to continue the cycle.  We were about halfway to where we needed to be growth-wise, and the on-call doctor assured us we were close.  This was definitely encouraging since we were already at day 18 of injections! 

Dr. M still wanted to be cautious because, in her words, “She didn’t want us to have a reality show,” so she didn’t increase my medication substantially.  We had 3 more monitoring appointments with blood work and ultrasounds before we finally saw follicles that were the perfect size and ready for ovulation on December 21^st.  That means we I did injections for 26 days instead of the average 10-12.  But, we were just glad to finally have an end in sight.  I did one final injection on December 21^st, but instead of Follistim, it was a shot of HCG – a hormone that will trigger ovulation within 24-48 hours. 

We made two final trips to Austin early in the morning on both December 22^nd and 23^rd for our IUI’s.  Our clinic does 2 IUI’s back to back instead of just a single one in order to try to catch both sides of the ovulation time table (before and after egg release).  Each trip I would drop M off at work at lunchtime, and I would go home and spend the rest of the day on the couch.  I was not only exhausted, but trying to do anything possible to make sure this worked.  At this point I was just glad Christmas was here so I could relax (HA!) and spend time with my husband and parents. 

We would have to wait two weeks from the second IUI until we could do a blood test to test for pregnancy.  Longest. Two. Weeks. Ever.  As the days went on, I was less and less confident that this had worked.  I knew the statistics (25% chance of success), and I knew how long and drawn out our cycle had been.  On Thursday, January 6^th, I resisted every urge inside of me to do a home test for fear it would be negative or have a false result.  So instead, I had to wait all day for my nurse to call with my blood test results.  At 3:45, I was sitting in my office and my cell finally rang and up popped the clinic's phone number.  My nurse wasted no time and congratulated me on a positive beta (and a really strong number at that).  I was shocked and just started crying sobbing over the phone.  It was seriously the best moment ever, and to me, hearing her say the words became just as amazing as seeing the positive test (although I definitely came home and did one of those too)!  

Going through a fertility cycle, there's really no way to surprise your husband with a positive result.  I knew Michael would be waiting for the answer as soon as I knew something since he had already called me like 3 times that day.  He was at home sick that day, so I rushed home, opened the door, and shared the news with him.  If you know my husband, he doesn't really have huge reactions to anything except sports, so I knew he wouldn’t jump up and down or scream, but I could definitely tell he was excited in his own way.  We also got to share the news with my parents that night at dinner since they've been up to speed on the whole process with us.  M also called his dad that evening to share the news with him.  Over the next week, I had 3 more betas done, and all three confirmed that the pregnancy was continuing as expected. 

We had to wait 2 weeks to go back down to Austin for our first ultrasound.  It was another LONG wait, and when the time arrived, we both just held our breath hoping to see a baby that was the right size in the sac.  We were also holding our breath wondering how many babies there would be.  Before we started treatment, I had to sign a waiver saying that I understood that injectibles increased my risk of multiples from 1-2% in a spontaneous pregnancy up to a whopping 30%.  Since I had had 2 or maybe 3 mature follicles, we had no idea whether we were going to see 1, 2, or even 3 babies! I think everyone in the room – M, me, Dr. M, and a nurse – all breathed an audible sigh when we saw our one sweet little baby.  Even more incredible is that we were able to see the heart beating.  The baby measured 5 weeks 6 days (5w6d), and was right on track.

Dr. M said she would see us one more time in 2 more weeks before releasing me back to Dr. R for the rest of the pregnancy.  We saw her again on Monday, February 4^th, after our original Friday appointment was cancelled due to the snow/ice storm.  Again, we all breathed a sigh of relief when we saw a growing baby on the ultrasound, and even got to hear the heartbeat for the first time since it was now strong enough for the mic to pick up.  At the end of that appointment, we were released to Dr. R, and while we are incredibly grateful to the staff at the Austin clinic, we are ecstatic to not be burning our tires on the road to Austin even few days. 

We saw Dr. R for the first time last Friday, and their staff was thrilled to see us.  They said they all got so excited when they saw my name on the patient list for that day.  We got to see the baby on ultrasound again, and were amazed by how much growth had taken place in less than 2 weeks.  Most amazing though was that Baby Gist was moving around and wiggling its hands and legs.  We even got to see all 5 fingers on one hand.  I don’t even have words to say how amazing that is. 

Even now, 7 weeks after we found out (11 weeks along), while we are completely thrilled and overjoyed, we still feel a bit shocked that, against the odds, we are pregnant.  But at the same time, we know we worship and serve the God who is the giver and sustainer of life.  Even though we used medical intervention, we know and firmly believe that this child was created and given life by God.  Throughout this process, the Lord has given me different scriptures that I have been able to cling to.  Two of those scriptures still run through my mind almost every day as I think about where we’ve been and where we are.  I hope they can serve as encouragement to whoever is reading this today for whatever path you are walking down. 

“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. 
He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.”  Psalm 40:1

This journey has taught me a lot of different things about myself as a person, who I am emotionally, and probably most importantly, who I am spiritually, and it has also grown our marriage.  While I’m not sure I’m able to yet put into words all that I’ve learned, I will definitely say that I am (and we are) different.  Infertility has changed who I am and who I will be for the rest of my life.  And I wouldn’t change it for anything.  This is our story.